Thursday, June 28, 2007


Paul at 65. Not necessarily queer, but maybe proof that 60 is the new 40.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Superman in Gay City

Kind of eager to get off to Gay City. More secrets than just an identity? (From Superman #7)


Boys just wanna have fun.

Opinion: Cruising

"The Evolution Will Be Televised' has just aired on Logo. It is, overall, a pretty good history of gay rights and pride. Almost everybody who is a gay anybody seems to be part of this film. It's thoughtful and fun.

However, as is part of any such retrospective of our culture, there is the obligatory outrage at the release of the 1980 film "Cruising". This film about Al Pacino going into the New York City gay leather world in search of a serial killer knocking off leather queers. Usually the outrage is displayed by having a some of the guest commentators (predominantly lesbians) complaining that Cruising would be miscontrued as the portrayal of what the gay community was all about: gritty, superficial, and sex-crazed.

Helllloooooo. For a segment of the male gay community at the time, life was gritty, superficial, and sex-crazed in the pre-aids 70's and early 80's. I never got what the deal was. Since when was a fairly accurate portrayal of a group of people a reason for outrage. Sure, we would have come out of the film with a better image if killer hadn't turned out to be gay, but everything else did pretty much describe a segment of our community. And proud of it.

Anybody who has ever read John Rechy books of the '70's (especially the Sexual Outlaw and Rushes) would know for sure that this was a segment of our culture. To some degree, there is still a part of that segment alive today. Its descendant is, perhaps, a bit less gritty, superficial, and maybe even sex-crazed, but it is still there. Visit a fetish bar sometime.

Two really good things about this film:

1. It was a mainstream film that was about gays from the beginning to the end. This was groundbreaking. Pretty freaky for the day outside of porn.

2. Al Pacino's hetero character began to "get lost" in the culture he was investigating. He began to care about some of the gay characters. His character demonstrated that sexuality can be somewhat of a continuum. Sexuality was not quite as cut and dry as conservative thinkers want to make it.

Are sexual outlaws to the gay community what the gay community is to the Southern Baptists? More tolerance, boys and girls!

That's my opinion. What do you think?

Thursday, June 21, 2007


A lot of the email sent to this site is about middle aged queers feeling isolated. A lot of the searches that lead people to this site include the obvious keywords "gay" and "middle aged", but then they aslo include the words "isolated" or "alone". Sometimes it's geographical (Being gay in the wrong part of the world). Sometimes it's a feeling of social stigma ("I don't feel welcomed at a lot of gay places."). Sometimes it's self-imposed. But regardless of the reason - even the most solitary introvert feels some need for social connection.

The media portrays gays generally as naturally outgoing and outrageous. However, apparently, there are a lot of "salt of the earth" type queers living a simple, quiet, "non-fabulous" life. They go to work, come home, watch television, and there's not a boa to be found anywhere in their homes. Not all guys feel comfortable being the belle of the ball. But that doesn't mean that they don't want to hang-out some with others.

Here are a few suggestions for "un-isolating" if you feel isolated and want to change that:

1. Join something. If you want to be with other gay guys join a gay book club, a gay social service organization, a gay sports club, or any gay organization. If there is an interest there is a gay organization.

2. Don't be afraid of the straights. Even the bluest state in most Bible Belt-y part of the U.S or isolated country in the world gets television. Half of the shows on television include gays characters or storylines. People are becoming a lot more savvy about "the gays". Even if you are isolated from other gay people, start building a social network with those who are not gay. You may not only be solving your isolation problem, but you might actually be surprised what hot guy your straight friends can set you up with.

3. Practice. If you are an introvert who is not entirely comfortable socializing, get over it. And the best way to do that is to "practice". Get out there and get exposed to society. While it's well understood that is not easy for some guys, it's the only way to get over any degree of social phobia. (Let's face it, even the most confident of us have some degree of shyness.) Put yourself in situations you may not be absolutely comfortable in and understand that, rarely, is there a social situation in which a faux pas is fatal. While it may feel risky, it, in fact, is not all that dangerous.

4. Related to #3, continually ask yourself: "What is the worst thing that can happen?" Who knows. Something good might actually happen.

5. If you are geographically isolated, connect on the internet. Join an online group or get on a social site. You don't have to be 12 to use something like My Space. (Wouldn't it be cool if My Space were taken over my middle aged guys.)

6. See a professional. If you are feeling absolutely house-bound, find a good therapist or counsellor to help coach your escape from loneliness. Make sure it isn't one of those who would advocate that you gaze at your navel. Find a professional who prescribes action. Getting out there and doing is the only way to get over social fears.

Any other suggestions? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

Free Online Poll

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Waist Not

Gay men are often accused of having a Peter Pan syndrome. Often going to a gay bar with middle aged clientele, it seems that many gay men have turned into another flying fictional character: pudgy Cupid.

Bears might like it, but paunch can be deadly. Heart disease, high cholesterol, diabetes, high blood and a myriad of other problems are related to guys with guts. Besides, it's kinda hot to see a guy who keeps in shape into middle and old age.

So here are some tried and true methods to decrease the pot:

1. Set a weight goal. Try to get down to a reasonable weight. It's all about the extra fat.

2. Don't exercise! Alright, don't spot exercise. Doing a million crunches isn't going to help. It's about fat and doing aerobic and weight-training will help the whole body - and, as you may know, the whole body includes the belly. So, do exercise, but have a plan that includes total fitness. Spot exercising will give you great abs - hidden under layers of fat. You get more out of exercising the whole thing.

3. Begin to diet. That sounds kind of depressing. But dieting doesn't mean the cessation of eating like it used to. It means eating well and eating right. Switch the bad fats (animal fats) to good fats (olive oils, canola oils, fish oils, and so on). Cut down on the processed sugar and grains. Use only whole grain products - the good fats and whole grains will make you feel full and help you maintain energy. Eliminate the "naughty" foods - but not completely. Save the cheesecake for a special occasion.

4. Remember that energy begets energy. At the end of the day, when you feel like planting your butt on the sofa with a cocktail because you feel exhausted, remember that the best cure for this is to move. Movement is life. Take Fido for a walk. Take out your old Jane Fonda VHS and feel the burn. Take your rusting old Schwinn for a trip down memory lane. (But don't overdo it. You want to feel better, not worse.)

5. Don't go nuts. Do a little bit at a time. Most resolutions fail because of the "all or nothing" thinking most of us indulge in when we want a change - now. A small failure approached in the wrong spirit leads to disappointment, then surrender, then a large failure. Commit to a little change at a time. Do it well. Make it a habit. Forgive yourself if you have a slip. Then, when you've turned that resolution into a habit, set another small goal. Keep going until you're where you want to be.

The Zimmers

They make me feel even younger than usual. A slap at ageism! (Love the Abbey Road take-off.)

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

10 Very Cool Things About Being A Middle Aged Gay

10. We older gays remember "camp" as being a little bit about being ridiculous and a little bit about bold style. We have the patience for old movies where camp was king (or queen). Now it's just about being silly - at video game speeds.

9. After hippie clothes, preppie clothes, yuppie clothes, new wave and punk clothes, grunge clothes, and fetish drag, we're comfortable wearing anything we feel like. Who cares what they think?!

8. The spawn of the Sunday afternoon Tea Dance...the Sunday afternoon beer bust. That's where we shine!

7. Been there, done that....nothing to prove.

6. AARP Discounts.

5. The first "P" in PNP usually means poppers or pot. Much safer than the other stuff.

4. Remembering when being gay was a little mysterious and a little dangerous. Now, we're represented on half of the shows on television. Our lingo is everybody's lingo. (Not that the oppression and rejection was so good, but, for some of us, there was some hot romance associated with being a "sexual outlaw" back in the day. Some of us still carry a little of that spirit with us today.)

3. We remember Bette Davis, Joan Crawford, and Mae West from when they were still alive. Now they have Britney and Paris. Huge yawn!

2. Talking instead of texting.

1. Gay Pride was new and fun...not "just like last year".

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Rejected by eHarmony - Still Gay!

Love this ad.

AARP Conference on Diversity and Aging

AARP, in its usual progressive way, is having a conference in Los Angeles that showcases diversity and aging. Concerns of aging gays and lesbians are part of the program according to their online information.

Maybe this is something you'd like to be part of. June 19 - 21.

AARP Conference on Diversity and Aging

Saturday, June 2, 2007

A Day at the Eagle

It's a sunny, Sunday afternoon. I go to the L.A. Eagle basically so I can play with other gay kids my age.

At the side door, there is a pierced, tattooed, gentleman with facial hair checking IDs. At my age there is something flattering about that although I know it's not about me being underaged.

The small courtyard at the side is filled with men. Most of them are around my age, some in great shape, some in all their bearish glory, a good number of men older than I am, and a few who are just young. Generally, this is a gay leather bar, but there are only a couple of harnesses and a pair of chaps. There is a barbeque heated up and cooking hot dogs and sausages, I'm sure in an lame attempt to elicit a few weenie jokes.

Inside there are lines at the bar. It is Sunday afternoon after all. I am behind four guys, even after 10 minutes. A younger guy (late 20's early 30's) in sunglasses sits at the bar next to the line. His sunglasses are clearly for effect because the bar is dark. He's with a friend who looks uncomfortable and seems put upon just being there. He is served next. Moral dilemma. Should I complain or say something? No, it's too nice of day and all I want is a gin and tonic and to kick back...maybe find someone to talk to.

Finally, with drink in hand, I make my way over to the barbeque and order a sausage. They just take my $3.00 for the Satyrs Motorcyle weenie jokes. I'm almost disappointed. I dress my sausage with mustard, slap some macaroni salad and potato salad on the side and find a seat inside by the pool tables. Eating, watching a pool game, checking out the gay porn (when did they put porn in bars in L.A.? I know they have had it in N.Y.C. bars for years.), I check out the room.

By a video game, the young, still shaded, line-cutter is playing air guitar and doing rock star poses to the loud music. His friend looks even more uncomfortable now.

I keep having to keep moving to not interfere with the pool table. They are always placed at the most narrow places in a bar. Is that on purpose?

A guy sitting next to me seems to have already enjoyed too much drink at only 5:00 pm in the afternoon. He is bobbing between half asleep and vigilantly watching the pool table. He smiles at me, but I suspect the conversation would be awkward, so I just smile back.

There is a raffle going on. Ticket numbers are being read every half-hour or so. Excited winners run to the DJ booth to collect their t-shirts and x-rated gay dvds.

Finally, I down the g & t and nearly empty the paper plate. It's time for another drink. It is Sunday and I have nothing that has to be done, so I hit the line for another cocktail.

The line hasn't gotten any shorter. When I get there, there are six guys in front of me.

I notice beside me an gentleman who could be anywhere between his mid-fifties and his mid-sixties. A little older but seems to have a great attitude. He is standing right next to me. Was he here when I arrived?

"I'm sorry. Were you in front of me?" I ask.

"Doesn't matter. You go ahead. I'm not going to fight about a place in line." And makes some kind of suggestive comment about not minding to take up my rear.

And I remember why I like playing with guys my own age.

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