Un-isolating
A lot of the email sent to this site is about middle aged queers feeling isolated. A lot of the searches that lead people to this site include the obvious keywords "gay" and "middle aged", but then they aslo include the words "isolated" or "alone". Sometimes it's geographical (Being gay in the wrong part of the world). Sometimes it's a feeling of social stigma ("I don't feel welcomed at a lot of gay places."). Sometimes it's self-imposed. But regardless of the reason - even the most solitary introvert feels some need for social connection.
The media portrays gays generally as naturally outgoing and outrageous. However, apparently, there are a lot of "salt of the earth" type queers living a simple, quiet, "non-fabulous" life. They go to work, come home, watch television, and there's not a boa to be found anywhere in their homes. Not all guys feel comfortable being the belle of the ball. But that doesn't mean that they don't want to hang-out some with others.
Here are a few suggestions for "un-isolating" if you feel isolated and want to change that:
1. Join something. If you want to be with other gay guys join a gay book club, a gay social service organization, a gay sports club, or any gay organization. If there is an interest there is a gay organization.
2. Don't be afraid of the straights. Even the bluest state in most Bible Belt-y part of the U.S or isolated country in the world gets television. Half of the shows on television include gays characters or storylines. People are becoming a lot more savvy about "the gays". Even if you are isolated from other gay people, start building a social network with those who are not gay. You may not only be solving your isolation problem, but you might actually be surprised what hot guy your straight friends can set you up with.
3. Practice. If you are an introvert who is not entirely comfortable socializing, get over it. And the best way to do that is to "practice". Get out there and get exposed to society. While it's well understood that is not easy for some guys, it's the only way to get over any degree of social phobia. (Let's face it, even the most confident of us have some degree of shyness.) Put yourself in situations you may not be absolutely comfortable in and understand that, rarely, is there a social situation in which a faux pas is fatal. While it may feel risky, it, in fact, is not all that dangerous.
4. Related to #3, continually ask yourself: "What is the worst thing that can happen?" Who knows. Something good might actually happen.
5. If you are geographically isolated, connect on the internet. Join an online group or get on a social site. You don't have to be 12 to use something like My Space. (Wouldn't it be cool if My Space were taken over my middle aged guys.)
6. See a professional. If you are feeling absolutely house-bound, find a good therapist or counsellor to help coach your escape from loneliness. Make sure it isn't one of those who would advocate that you gaze at your navel. Find a professional who prescribes action. Getting out there and doing is the only way to get over social fears.
Any other suggestions? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.
