Tuesday, March 6, 2007

My Middle Aged Chip

Just to prove I have a huge chip on my shoulder:

I received my copy of Genre today. Not really my kind of magazine but it came with some other subscription for free.

Right there - smack dab on the lower right hand corner of the cover was the blurb for a story inside: "Dressing up Daddy, Get-Laid Style Advice (From a Twink!)". No age-ism here, boys and, um, girls.

Well, you can guess to which article I went first. Page 64. "Dressing a Daddy" by Patrick Huguenin.

So, I think, first they try to tell us how we fit into our community, now they want to tell us how we should dress. (Is Genre implying that following Little Patrick's fashion advise will get us laid? Whatever did we do before Genre?)

Alright, children. First, I'm nobody's "daddy". Hate the word and weird incestuous vibe that goes with it. What are you, fuckin' Marilyn Monroe? "Are those diamonds for me, daddy?"

Second, I know how to dress myself appropriately and in a way I like. Good enough for me.

Such sage advice, too. For example: "You were: A Twink; You should be: A Dandy." Geez. Who wasn't a twink at some damn point in his gay life?

"You were: A Chelsea Boy; You should be a: Corporate Cat" Okay, if you say so.

"You were: A Surfer/Hippie/Punk; You should be: A Rake." A rake? Does anybody use that description of a guy anymore? If so, I am much more out of touch than I thought.

And finally, thank God, "You were: An All-American Boy; You should be: An All-American Man." Clever?

You are: A Pretentious Twink; You should: Keep Your Opinions To Yourself.

Whatever style I am, somehow, I still get laid.

What is this? Queer Eye for the Old Guy. No thanks. We were inventing style before you were born, "son".


Anonymous said...

Well said!

Just as I wouldn't take relationship advice from someone with twenty years less life experience than me, I wouldn't take fashion advice either!

The phrase "Mutton dressed as lamb" comes to mind.

Wearing one's waistband around the thighs, and an 'Abercrombie' t-shirt is not style--it actually shows the lack thereof!

Any middle-aged man trying to get into a 'twinks' pants in nothing less than pathetic anyway!

Give me a sharp dressed man in his forties or fifties any day!!!

Anonymous said...

i'm a 51 yr old just coming out...please call 727-638-7624...hot!

Anonymous said...

Wow! I'm extremely late to this post.
However, I read that same article and took it an entirely different way. I believe it was aimed at older men with the so-called peter pan syndrome, dressing like twinks in super tight double colored polo shirts (with popped collars) and low waisted jeans.

They were advocating being a more sharply dressed man instead of insisting on beating that dead horse by buying even more A&F.

I believe they had a twink author the article to drive home that fact that older men are sexier when they dress like men and not boys.

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