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As Found on Craigslist Men Seeking Men Personals

"Collage guy needs help 8 inch cut c*#& for you - 25"

Maybe he's looking for a spelling tutor.

What Disposable Income?

Some thoughts about that big-assed disposable income that middle aged queers are supposed to have.






It makes sense. In spite of the continuing trend in gay parenting, most still do not have spawn which need to be raised and sent to some stylish college. The expense of many of the trappings of a 2.3 child family are lost on most queers.


Often when there is an article that talks about marketing to gay men or about gay lifestyle (apart from our notorious free-wheeling sex lives), the phrase "disposable income" comes up. And no doubt there are many wealthy queers out there.


Many gay guys move to expensive cities in order to be with their own. Often income matches "outgo" (or expenditures if you must). In a large city, it either takes a lot of effort to become rich and many people do not enjoy a life of buck chasing. Or a lot of luck to become rich and that is as good as the flip of a coin. (Yeah, one makes his own luck but in that case it comes back to chasing the buck again which is a lifestyle choice.)

It doesn't take much to see that there are a lot of wealthy gay guys out there. And it doesn't take many invitations home to see that there are a lot of midlife gay guys in crumby apartments with a lot of Ikea furniture (as cool as it sometimes is).

While statistically, there probably is more disposable income among queers when the big picture is taken. But is it also another one of those expectation that the middle aged gay is supposed to live up to - like eternal youth? Is it another pigeon-hole queers are stuffed into? Is there something wrong if one is not some kind of pink Trump?

By middle age, most queers have a sense about the financial end-game. What are your opinions of disposable income?

Anonomity in exchange for honesty is suggested for your comments!

Buy (Less) Crap!

Some anonymous person sent me this response to the (Red) campaign. I've always had some mixed feelings about this sort of ad when I saw them on billboards around town.

This response makes sense to me.

Buy Less Crap

So Much Work To Do

I found this at another blog:

I used to belong to Bally’s Total Fitness. I found the staff there to be very friendly and the equipment to be very reliable. But now, lets turn to the right a little bit where the men’s locker room is. Here’s where the problem starts. There is always some guy that is at his locker forever, trying to get a glimpse at other guys when they take off their clothes. Don’t tell me that you other gym rats haven’t noticed this! Maybe it’s because I live in Los Angeles where there is a huge gay population. But this isn’t West Hollywood mind you! That guy is always there. Three nights ago, it was an Indian guy in his mid 40s (they always seem to be middle aged). He was putting on his clothes and his eyes nearly popped out of his head when a young tattooed Latino with muscles flowing everywhere arrived. I have to admit: it would be nice to look like this young man! As I noticed the Indian man sexually molest this young man with his eyes, I kept wanting to say to this man, “Wait till he turns 30 and the belly starts to come out!” But I was really embarrassed for this middle aged desperado and the young Latino man, who didn’t have a clue that he was being “checked out.”

We've got so much work to do. "they always seem to be middle aged"!!!!! How many locker room lurkers does this guy run into in his life if he can talk in terms of "always". So, one of the 50 million middle aged gay guys hangs out perving in his locker room and he knows they "always seem to be middle aged". I mean, there's no such thing as young pervs who wants to sneak a look?! Right? Well, he hasn't been in some of the locker rooms I've been in then.

Ageism is under every rock. Even the straights want to label the middle aged queers.

I'll Answer if You Tell Me What Time It Is

On one of those gay personal sites I visited recently for, ummm, research, there was the usual cruising stats form to fill out. Who's top, bottom, or in the middle. Are you small, average, large, or oh my God? You know the kind of thing.

One of the questions asked:

For you:

1. is sex more important than romance?


2. is sex as important as romance?


3. is sex less important than romance?


4. is sex is all there is?
   

The choice they failed to offer, which is the only choice possible for the most experienced gay men, is:

5. all of the above is true.

Isn't it?

Doesn't it depend on what time of the day, month, or year the mature gay man happens to be experiencing? All of the choices are true.

Sex is more important than romance, say, after a break-up when one is still gun-shy about relationships.

Sex is as important as romance when one is in love and trying to figure out how to express it physically.

Sex is less important than romance when the physical stuff has reached a plateau of sameness but the relationship is still worth trying to salvage for other reasons.

Sex is all there is....let's see...isn't there an undercurrent of that all throughout our gay lives?

So, all of the above is more about timing rather than some sort of set temperament. What's with having to decide?

Don't forget to change your gay personal profiles often!

The PS (Pre-Stonewallers) in PS (Palm Springs)

Kudos to Out Magazine and their April 2007 edition. They rip off the sequined cloak of invisibility on a remarkable group of older gay men in Palm Springs.


"Queens of the Desert" written by Michael Joseph Gross with very elegant photography by Larry Sultan is an homage to pioneers of the queer movement in their late 60's, 70's, and 80's with a bit of their history and some of their current points of views. Most portrayed in this article are on the older side of middle aged. Voila! A gay article that isn't narcissistically involved with only the beauty of youth.


"On meeting these men it seemed I'd discovered a world of wall-to-wall Auntie Mames: glamorous, funny, inspiring and bold."


But if you think this is simply a love letter from Gross, you will satisfied that he also looks at the petty and sad of their lives as well as the near heroic mark they made in gay history. In other words, a balanced view of reality that reflects the dignity of these older queers. The take away is that there is something to learn from every epoch in gay history.


Pick up a copy. It's a good read.

I Try To Avoid Politics Here....

but sometimes, I just can't resist. This has been going around the web. And if this isn't a true represenation of Miss Ann, nothing is.

These Boots Were Made For Walking

Probably one of the biggest challenges of middle aged queer is not only staying healthy, but staying fit. The benefits of staying fit usually means, on the vanity side, controlling weight, looking healthier, and keeping good muscle tone. On the health side, staying fit has been associated mental attitude (depression and anxiety control), better memory and thought processes, weight control, lowering cholesterol and triglycerides, stronger heart, diabetes prevention, a better immune system, more physical endurance, better sleep, and even a stronger erection.

An article in USA Today on October 24th, 2006, reported on a study from the University of Pittsburgh that demonstrated that middle aged people who did not walk regularly were prone to gain about 7 pounds a year. Those who did walk regularly, about 40 minutes a day, tended to lose 7 pounds during that same year. (If you don't need to lose weight, I guess you can enjoy an extra serving at each meal!) If you think about that, that is using 1/16th of our waking hours to take a great hike and to snag all the benefits of weight-loss and fitness. That's not much of a sacrifice.

So grab those hiking boots or sneakers and burn up that trail.

My Middle Aged Chip

Just to prove I have a huge chip on my shoulder:

I received my copy of Genre today. Not really my kind of magazine but it came with some other subscription for free.

Right there - smack dab on the lower right hand corner of the cover was the blurb for a story inside: "Dressing up Daddy, Get-Laid Style Advice (From a Twink!)". No age-ism here, boys and, um, girls.

Well, you can guess to which article I went first. Page 64. "Dressing a Daddy" by Patrick Huguenin.

So, I think, first they try to tell us how we fit into our community, now they want to tell us how we should dress. (Is Genre implying that following Little Patrick's fashion advise will get us laid? Whatever did we do before Genre?)

Alright, children. First, I'm nobody's "daddy". Hate the word and weird incestuous vibe that goes with it. What are you, fuckin' Marilyn Monroe? "Are those diamonds for me, daddy?"

Second, I know how to dress myself appropriately and in a way I like. Good enough for me.

Such sage advice, too. For example: "You were: A Twink; You should be: A Dandy." Geez. Who wasn't a twink at some damn point in his gay life?

"You were: A Chelsea Boy; You should be a: Corporate Cat" Okay, if you say so.

"You were: A Surfer/Hippie/Punk; You should be: A Rake." A rake? Does anybody use that description of a guy anymore? If so, I am much more out of touch than I thought.

And finally, thank God, "You were: An All-American Boy; You should be: An All-American Man." Clever?

You are: A Pretentious Twink; You should: Keep Your Opinions To Yourself.

Whatever style I am, somehow, I still get laid.

What is this? Queer Eye for the Old Guy. No thanks. We were inventing style before you were born, "son".

CPAC 2007: The Unauthorized Documentary

I love the end of this where Ann Coulter after smearing John Edwards as a "faggot" gets upset that someone digs into her life. These folks just drip with hypocrisy. She can call a happily married man a "faggot" but can't take it when someone asks her the facts about her life! (Sorry about the politics.)

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Queen...When Music Was Interesting

Great Passage on Ageism

"If we define the term as the dictionary does, a 'discrimination based on age, especially prejudice against the elderly,' then what we're talking about is an intolerance for the very people that, God willing, we ourselves will become one day. Unlike other forms of discrimination, where bigotry occurs between forever-disparate groups - heterosexual homophobes targeting gays, sexist males targeting women, or one ethnic or religious group pitted against another - ageism occurs along a strange continuum, where today's oppressor could well be tomorrow's oppressed; the aging man, his own youth far behind him, realizes only with the passage of time that he's becoming - or has become already - that which he himself may once have feared or despised. He's finally gained the hard-won knowledge and understanding that only years can bestow, just in time to become - for some people - an object of fear, suspicion, or prejudice himself."


-Tim Bergling, Reeling in the Years, p. 3.

HIV Poll Results

Our latest poll asked:

In an attempt to know our visitors, you participation in the anonymous poll would be appreciated. My HIV status is:

• Definitely negative. I've been tested. 67%
• Definitely positive. I've been tested. 21%
• Don't know. I haven't been tested. 12%

Sex and Middle Aged Gay

I like sex. I like doing it. I like thinking about it. I like watching it. And I like talking about it.

This isn't a porn site, so I am going out of my way to avoid sexing it up too much. But sex is a reasonable topic for the middle aged gay man. Or so one would think.

So, as the dedicated blogger that I am, I have spent two days doing the research. I found precious little on the topic. However, there seems to be two takes on the subject of sex and the middle aged gay.

The take with the most attention paid to it is the one that says middle age for the gay male is equal to a great vacuum, an oblivion - the stuggle of the middle aged guy is to adapt or disappear. So expression of a strong sex-drive is seen as sort of pathetic. Your time for cruising has passed. Monogamously coupling is an oft mentioned remedy. But the problem with the remedy is the problem of finding Mr. Right (if you even want Mr. Right). So, if you don't, is Plan B the ever popular Mr. Right Now? But, according to the literature, that quick fix for the sexual urge becomes less and less available as we get older. What a cycle! What a dilemma!

The second take seems to suggest that there is too much emphasis on sex in the gay world. We need to just calm down and re-prioritize as we get older. Often it is suggested that middle aged men feel pressured to artificially inflate a hormonally failing libido because everything in gay culture seems to come back to sex. One should almost feel guilty if he is gay and doesn't want sex 24/7. How can you be a part of community so focused on sex and not be "sexing"? But as the first problem suggests we are not welcomed in the meat market. Around and around we go. The remedy for second problem, I suppose is donning our khaki shorts and taking up bird-watching. Or perhaps tying on a gingham apron in a kitchen Martha Stewart would envy. Is that what they mean by re-prioritizing?

(I guess we should keep in mind that sometimes a low libido is the result of depression or low testosterone and the such. It's probably best to talk to a doctor about low sex-drive to rule out any treatable problems.)

Personally, I think both takes are so much bullshit because again, they are culturally based. Both covertly say this is culture's definition of who we are and this is how we must behave.

As children of the 60's or 70's perhaps we should reclaim our old motto of "If it feels good, do it - as long as it doesn't hurt anybody else." I, for one, am tired of people pigeon-holing me in anyway, including my age.

If you feel like cruising all night in a bar or bathhouse or online, do it. You know what it's like out there! You're a big boy now and can handle either acceptance or rejection. But, like the lottery people say, "If you don't play, you can't win." And your odds of getting laid are much better than scoring the Mega Million.

If you don't feel like doing the meat market thing or having a lot sex, by all means, don't do it. Figure out what makes you happy. Don't feel pressured to do anything that isn't right for you.

The only caveat I would offer about either situation - pay attention and make sure that you are not using sex or lack of sex as either as a substitution or avoidance of anything else that might be healthier. But again, you figure it out. Get help doing that if you need or want to. A little introspection is healthy. But ultimately, you decide and don't let anyone else set a standard for you.

If you've read anything else on this blog, you know my goal is self-definition. Sex should be as self-defined as anything else in our lives.

Comments, as always, are welcomed.

“I think it's the central issue of our generation. There are a lot of people out there who are trying to figure out how to be good old gay people — how to do it well, how to be the best you can for your age. In my case that has to do with trying to be the best version of 62 I can imagine. Not to try and recreate something I felt I had 30 years ago.”

- Armistead Maupin from Afterelton.com.

Does Age Quash Our Gay Spirit of Adventure?

What do you think?

I found this segment by Robert Krulwich at NPR radio that raised some good questions. Go have a listen at this link Does Age Quash Our Spirit of Adventure? Then come back and let us know what you think.

While Krulwich points out that increased age seems to correlate with a decline in the spirit of adventure, I wonder - since gay men are often a little out of sync with society with regard to development, if this report rings true for you. Since we are one of the first post-Stonewall groups to go from youth to middle age, are we required to be "adventurous" about deciding who we are going to be? What was the most adventurous thing you have done lately?

Be adventurous and come back to leave your ever important comment.

When Gym Time is "No Time"

If you're like me, getting to the gym doesn't fit well into the day. Unless you've made it retirement, this may be the busiest time of your life.

I found a little item that has been very helpful to keeping in shape without having to go to the gym or to buy expensive home equipment. It's called The Fitdeck (www.fitdeck.com). It is basically a deck of cards with a calisthenic type exercise on each card. Most of these exercises take from 30-60 seconds.

I use them by shuffling the deck and then do the next card at every commerical if I am watching television or set a timer for every 15 minutes while I am on the computer or reading. This not only gives me some physical activity during times when I am generally sedentary but also helps me to stay in shape. (The tightening of the stomach muscles in a very short time has been surprising.)

The cards provide different sets for beginning, intermediate, and advanced users, so almost anyone can jump in and use these. I think the cards are bit expensive ($18.95) considering how low the overhead must be and the cost of material needed to produce the product. However, if you think of the physical fitness benefits this gimmick can provide, it's cheaper than many other choices.

If you find yourself spending too much time sitting, these cards may be helpful for you.